well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
