We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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