This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
