just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
