I think I just saw someone hide a body.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
