I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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