That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
