How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
