i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
