He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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