she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
