please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
