I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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