she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
