So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
