some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
