Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
