Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
