and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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