If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
