Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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