I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
