Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wear drunk well.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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