If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
