I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
