Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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