I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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