just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
