Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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