i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
