Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
