So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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