i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
