Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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