I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
