Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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