if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
