Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
