so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
