Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
