I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
