halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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