I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
