ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
