these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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