My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
