I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
