I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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