you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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