That's when you crack a 10am beer
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
