I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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