do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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