I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
