Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
