What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
