How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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