I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
